Falling To Pieces
by CaskettMyHeart
Summary: "She fights him, she does. But she's just not strong enough. After that fight with him, her former partner, she's just hunting the dragon, with no reason to live. Without Castle she can't win. Now she hangs there by her two hands and feels her life slip away." AU from the rooftop fight in 'Always'.
1. Chapter 1

**This takes place on the roof. It came into my mind when I woke up from the rain at 5 am and I had to write it down. This is just a one shot. Maybe if I get Wanting You and Because She Was Different updated and this story gets enough response I'll continue, also, it's a little OCD, In my opinion. **

**Chapter 1.**

Kate fights him. She fights him, but he's too strong. Maddox is too strong and she feels that when he throws her off of him and she is rolling. Rolling towards the edge and she tries to stop, but she can't and before she knows it, she's hanging from the roof. Dangling.

She thinks all hope is lost when she sees her phone on the edge of the roof. If she can just speed dial Castle… he can come save her, he will be here, he'll always be here. Always, right? She tries to move her fingers and hit the touch screen, and it works. She hears the phone dialing. "Please Someone! Pick up!" she hopes it Castle, but she can't be sure… and as if a miracle had happened, she hears his voice, but it's his answering machine… she decides it's better now than never, because she knows she's going to die! "Castle?! Oh God. Castle! I'm so sorry for everything. But I need you to forgive me! I can't die with knowing that you aren't going to forgive me." She feels her hands slip. She doesn't know what to do. But she's running out of time.

Suddenly, her right hand slips and she lets out a yell. "Castle! I- I love you! Rick… I love you." She feels her left hand slip away, but she also hears footsteps! Could that be him? "Castle!" she tries to hold on, she tries, but she can't.

Her hand slips and she lets out a yell. "No!" and sees Ryan leaning over the edge to grab her but he's too late and she can feel her body falling and she sees Ryan's eyes panicking before an image of Castle flashes in front of her eyes. She reaches out to it. "Rick." She whispers before she feels her body hit something and everything goes black.

Rick opens the door to his loft. He came back from Alexis' graduation and he just felt like he needed a drink. His little girl, his pumpkin is graduated! She grew up.

And then there was the whole Kate thing. It broke his heart, stepping away from her. But that was what he needed to do. If he would have been there, it wouldn't have made any difference. She still would have gone down the rabbit hole and she wouldn't be going out. She would be dead.

Hell, she could be dead this second. And even though he couldn't tell himself that he didn't care… it hurt a little less not knowing than knowing what she was doing, knowing her every move and not being able to stop her.

He walked towards his office and turned on the monitor. On the screen, a picture of her appeared. He sat there, staring at it for a few seconds and then stepped closer to the monitor. He dragged the file across the screen and deleted it.

Right then, he made the decision of not wanting to know anymore. He didn't want to care about her anymore. She lied to him. For a year! And then, when he actually told her he loved her, nothing. Nothing than avoiding the subject. If she was going down, he didn't want to know anymore, not after all of that.

He was snapped out of his thoughts by his phone ringing. He walked towards it and saw " " flashing on the screen. His jaw tightened and against everything he's been doing for the past four years, he declines her call. He feels his heart break a little, like the past four years are nothing anymore and are just ripped out of his heart.

He didn't deny his thoughts going wild about what the call would be about, but every time he thought of her, he saw her lies, her blood on his hands, and his love for her being ignored. His heart just couldn't take it.

He poured himself a drink and took a sip. Right when he closed his eyes, his phone got a message. He hoped it wouldn't be her, but somehow, he knew whatever or whoever it was, it would be about her.

He picked up his phone and saw it was a voicemail. He really didn't know what to do. Should he listen to it? Or shouldn't he? He took the phone in his hand and turned it off. He decided he shouldn't let his heart go through this. Her message wouldn't be worth the pain anyways.

He walked back into his office and turned on his laptop. He sat down, took a deep breath and took another sip of his drink. He opened a new document and his fingers flew over the keys, writing all his thoughts, all his emotions out on paper. Well, digital paper. And maybe, if it was good enough, he would put it in Frozen Heat. If he could do that, he would be able to finish the book and really close that chapter of his life which contained any contact with Katherine Beckett.

**I wrote this a long time ago, and after letting my best friend and fellow writer Nina (NinaK.05) read it while nosing through some files, I picked up on this story again, and although I first wanted this to be a long one shot, I think it's better to do a 3 partner. Or maybe even make it a story, idk.**

**That's up to you.**

**A review would be nice, maybe I'll continue if I get enough response.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

**I don't think I've ever got this much response to a story, at least not in the first chapter.**

**This story is going to be in a few, maybe more, short chapters. Around a 1,000 words. Maybe if I'll get more time, longer than that.**

Ryan turned back towards Gates and ran straight past her to the stairs. He image of Kate reaching out while he saw her falling fresh in his memory. He needed to know if she still has a chance of living. Her leg had hit a dumpster, and he heard of it happening before, a leg breaking a 20-stories-building fall. Maybe… just maybe there was still hope for his beloved partner and friend.

Right before he ran downstairs he yelled, "call an ambulance."

Gates stood there, she was ready to give Beckett a disapproving look, but instead, she met Ryan's face that had panic written all over it. It was then that she realized Kate fell. She actually fell 20 stories. She told one of the uniforms to call an ambulance and took a step closer to the edge of the roof. She looked over as if she had to see to believe.

There was Kate, her body laying face down. Her leg in an awkward angle and arms both on a side of her body. She saw Ryan running towards her a few seconds later as she swallowed away the lump in her throat. She figured Kate's leg must have hit the dumpster and turned her over so she was laying there like she was now.

Gates took a step back and turned on her heel, taking the stairs down.

Rick stretched himself out as he looked at the clock. It was just an hour later than when he came back from the graduation ceremony where his daughter had presented a beautiful speech.

He turned his phone back on as he went for a refill of his drink. He saw he had 2 missed calls and a text from Lanie. He figured the text wouldn't be as bad as a call and as long as it wasn't from Kate, he would still watch what it was about.

_Where the hell are you? You promised her always! If I see you even near the hospital, I'll kill you!_

"Hospital? What?" he mumbled to himself, ignoring the first part of her text and decided to listen what the calls were about. His mind told him no, but his heart needed to know. It needed to know she was alright.

He dialed the number for the voicemail and listened to the first one.

"_Damn you Rick! If you wouldn't have left like this, she wouldn't have done this! Either you fix it, of disappear forever. If there is something to fix that is…"_ Rick could hear Ryan's voice growing more sad towards the ending of his sentence. What the hell was he talking about?!

"_I don't even know why I called. Maybe because the last two words I could hear where Castle and No! Now either you get your ass to the hospital, or you drop dead. I don't care. Now I'm going to save her life, I'm going to do what you couldn't."_ Rick stood there for a second, taking in all the words.

What the hell happened to make Ryan call him and leave that message? Kate was in the hospital, that was what he got from both messages. And that something huge had gone down. Something that could have, or had already killed her.

His mind was racing and he knew he shouldn't be getting back to this… it was everything he was trying to pry himself away from, but his heart couldn't handle it. He just needed to know what happened.

He dialed the number for Kate's voicemail from the call he knew she made when he hadn't turned his phone off.

"_Castle?!" _He feels his heart clench at her voice. _"Oh God. Castle! I'm so sorry for everything. But I need you to forgive me! I can't die with knowing that you aren't going to forgive me." Die? _ She was really in trouble… Damn! He should have been there! For her! To stop her! Whatever it was she was doing…

"_Castle! I- I love you! Rick… I love you."_ He froze. Did she really just say that? Did he hear that correctly? _"Castle!"_ He hears again and then some shuffling, and he can hear cars in the background. Then,_ "No!"_ as he heard Ryan calling out for Kate.

Then the voicemail ends and he just stand there… Did he just hear her confess her love for him? But even worse, did he just hear her die?

He grabbed his car keys and left everything but his phone behind. He drove straight to the hospital and he didn't even look for a parking spot and just got out of the car and into the hospital as soon as he drove up the parking lot.

He sprinted into the hospital and asked for Kate Beckett, but soon he heard his voice being called out. "Rick?!"

Castle turned his head only to be met with a furious looking Ryan and Esposito and Lanie sitting on one of the chairs. He met with her eyes, and the look he got…

It broke his heart. He could see the pain and worry in her eyes. "Is she okay? Is she going to live?" he asked.

Lanie sighed with tears in her eyes. "We don't know…"

**I really wanted to update sooner and wanted to make it longer, but well, it just felt right to stop with a cliffhanger.**

**To all who are reading 'Because She Was Different' and 'Wanting You' I'm sry I haven't updated, but as I said before: My teachers suck. They give us tons of homework. Bcs of that, my inspiration is gone.**

**I hope you review like last time. It made my day. And I need it today.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

**Sorry that it's been so long.**

**Also: I know some medical stuff, but not enough. So I'm keeping it simple, and from what I've heard, what I wrote is kind of logical. **

Kate called out to Rick before she felt her leg hit something and her world went black.

She opened her eyes when she heard someone call out to her. She could see things moving around her but her vision was blurry from tears and her mind wasn't working properly.

"Kate? Oh thank god you're alive!" she heard someone, but didn't know who, say. She could feel her body being moved, but the pain was unbearable. The last thing she heard before all the lights went out again was, "We're taking you to the hospital Kate. Hang on."

Lanie sat in the waiting room, with Esposito and Ryan by her side. Rick was pacing the floors. They had fought with him, they had. But when a doctor came towards them telling them if they wouldn't break it up, he would call security, they broke it up and just gave angry looks. They didn't want to get kicked out.

They sat there for 30 more minutes. Them with their minds racing, thinking about all possibilities that might have happened and how she was now. They had never been more relieved than when a doctor came out asking for the family of Katherine Beckett.

All of them said yes at the same time while Rick realized Jim didn't know anything about this yet. "We haven't called Jim yet!" he said, but Lanie stopped him there. "We have, he's on his way. But now, let's listen to what the doc has to say."

The doctor nodded and started her explanation with: "She's alive, but she had internal bleeding, that we've fixed in operation. But there were too many broken bones to fix in one operation. Her body wouldn't be able to handle the stress." Esposito and Ryan nodded, as Lanie pulled Esposito towards her for a hug. Rick nodded along and asked, "Can we see her? Is she awake?" he wanted to ask more questions but the doctor, names Torrez, was ahead of him.

"We're keeping her in a coma for now because the pain would be too much for her and her body to handle." Doctor Torrez seemed to know what question came next and gave them an answer before anyone could open their mouths. "We'll be keeping her this way until we can operate to fix more broken bones. If we would awake her, her body wouldn't get the rest it needed, and she would be in pain."

They all understood, but Rick couldn't resist asking. "Do you have any idea when this might be? When she might be ready for surgery?"

"At least a few days, 2 or 3 for the first one. We'll take X-rays in the mean time again of her fully body. For now we did only were we needed to operate. And if there is a second operation needed, we'll probably wait another 3 days. We might even be able to take her out of the coma between the first and possibly second surgery, but we'll have to see that as she heals."

"Okay, but… can we see her?" Rick asked. He just had to see her, to believe she was actually still alive.

"I think it's best that if you want to see her, you wait a day. She has a lot of bruises and is connected to a lot of tubes. But if you really want, yes, but one or two at a time."

The 4 friends, or more 3 friends and Rick, nodded once again and Doctor Torrez excused herself when she got a page saying she was needed. "She's in room 407" Dr Torrez said right before she left.

Esposito, Lanie, Ryan and Rick all turned towards each other. "I don't care what the doctor said, but I just have to see her. I can't get that image out of my head until I see for myself that she's okay." Ryan said and Espo and Lanie just nodded.

"Of course man. I want to see her too, want me to come with you?" Espo asked his partner. Of course he wanted to see Kate, but as the doc said, he rather see a healthy Kate than a broken Kate, but if his partner needed him, he would be there.

"I want to see her too, but I think I'll wait a day. She needs to heal, and we need to sleep. She's okay; that's what matters right now."

Rick was just standing there, absorbing everything doctor Torrez had said. "I don't think she would want to see me. But I do want to see her." Rick said when they calmed down.

Lanie put on her bad side again. "It might not be your fault, but you ran and broke your promise. You don't get to see her." She poked Rick in the chest and he took it. But he wouldn't take it for long, until Kate was better, he would stay away. But as soon as possible, he would go and visit her. He just wanted to know she was alive. And now that he was thinking about it, what _exactly_ had happened? He just realized he still didn't know. All she knew was that she broke a lot of bones, and almost died.

He decided to go for it. "How did it happen?" he asked to everyone and no one in particular. Rick knew from the second he had asked the question it wasn't the right time or place to ask, but he didn't take it back either. He had to know.

Esposito's jaw stiffened, Lanie's eyes went sad and full of pain and all color drained from Ryan's face. Ryan just reached behind him for a chair and almost stumbled over his own feet. The vision of Kate falling down the side of the building fresh in his mind. Her eyes… so painful and screaming for help. He had reached for her, but just felt the wind from her falling on his fingers. Her cries for help made him shiver, and as he saw her body turned and break, he reached for the trashcan and he couldn't help but empty his stomach.

Rick saw this and just felt even worse. He didn't think he realized how bad it actually was until now. Lanie went to help Ryan with calming down and cleaning up himself as Esposito dragged him away from Ryan, into a corner of the waiting room, where no one was.

"What the hell Castle! Not now. Not here." He hissed, not wanting to yell and get thrown out but wanting to make his anger clear.

"I have the right to know!" Castle said back. "You three know, but I have no idea of what happened. So what did happen?" he was pushing and Esposito didn't like it. But somewhere he knew Castle had to know, not just because he was allowed to know, but Esposito also felt like it would make Castle feel bad about himself for not stopping her. But then again… it's not like he himself didn't stop her. He even went with her.

He was still mad at Ryan for telling Gates about it, but now that he thought about it, it was the right thing to do. If he wouldn't have gone with Kate, she would have been okay right now. She wouldn't be in a hospital bed with about two dozen broken bones.

He sighed and decided just to tell Castle.

"We found out where Maddox was staying and went there. The place was clear but when Beckett walked out the door, he hit her or something like that, I didn't see. She chased him up the stairs to the roof. The next thing I know, Ryan and Gates are passing me by, I ran after them, up to the roof." Castle is already putting pieces together, but he still has to hear it.

"We can hear Beckett calling out, for you." Castle's diverted eyes suddenly widen and he makes eye contact with Esposito. He just goes on explaining. "We all ran towards her but didn't see her, Ryan realized where she was and reached out to her. She was dangling from the roof." He swallowed. "Ryan reached out but was just a second too late…" He didn't have to say the rest.

"Oh god…" Castle mumbled with tears in his eyes, looking for a chair with his hand, eyes still locked on Esposito. He find a seat and just plops down. That is how the she got that many broken bones…

There was a long silence between the two of them, and he noticed Ryan was gone, so was Lanie. They must have gone to Kate. He didn't blame them. From what he got from Esposito's explanation, Ryan saw Kate fall… now he got why he was so nauseous before.

He would just wait and see here, until they were all gone, and then go and see Kate.

Ryan walked into room 407 with Lanie by his side. His breath hitched when he saw Kate laying in the hospital bed, her skin too pale for his liking, and with tubes connected to… everything. It made his feel sick, but he also felt reassured in some way, just seeing her chest rise up and down.

"Thank god she's alive." He sighed as he took the chair next to her bed. Lanie stood at the foot of the bed, watching her best friend breath with the intubation tube down her throat, and the machine blowing air into her lungs. It was hard to see, but she could have never imagined what Ryan had been through. Seeing Kate fall, 20 stories, and hitting the ground… She felt sick just thinking about it.

Ryan took Kate's hand, that was laying above the sheet, and clamped his both hands around it. "I'm so sorry I was too late."

Lanie understood why he felt that way, but he shouldn't. "Hey Kevin, it's not your fault. I know you want to protest, but it isn't." She walked towards him and placed her hand on his hands holding Kate's. "She's okay, she'll be okay. She's a fighter. Now why don't you go home, let Javi take you home and get some sleep. You need it. We all do."

Ryan sighed but nodded. He felt like crying, and he was too tired to argue with Lanie. He stood up and walked back towards Javi and Rick.

Lanie lingered for a second longer. She let out a small puff of air and sighed. She turned, before reaching the door, and mumbled something before really making her way back to the boys. "I'm just glad you're still alive."

**This one took a while… I'm sorry. My other stories had to be updated, and homework didn't help.**

**Review? They cheer me up! Btw, I have a week of vacation so I can write more, after I finish the pile of homework.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

**I'm sorry, I planned on writing a LOT but something (quite a lot) happened, and I just couldn't. + the stacks of homework I have… it's all way too much. I also had to study for my exams… **

**Ps: this story has become more personal than before so I don't know if I'll be able to write this for much longer. I don't think it'll become more than 10 chapters. But I'm not sure, I'll see how I the writing goes.**

**Pss: I wrote this after a very tiring day so I'm sorry if well… the chapter sucks. I wanted to give you something since I'm able to write, for the first time in over a month.**

Javi took Ryan home, and gave Lanie a ride since Lanie didn't feel like she could drive. Lanie and Javi both didn't want to be alone so Lanie spent the night with Javi.

"At first, when I saw Ryan and Gates passing me, I was mad. Mad that he told Gates. But then…" he looked down at his feet, with his elbows still rested on this knees. "Then I realized that Ryan might have been able to save her. And now- now she's in that hospital bed, broken. Literally broken."

"Hey, Javi. It's okay. I understand why you would be mad, but it was the right thing to do for Ryan. He was afraid of what might happen, and what actually happened was much worse than what any of us could have thought of. It's normal to be angry, scared, sad and a whole bunch of other feelings. But direct them towards the people that caused this, not to Ryan, not to Gates, not to yourself and not to Kate. And I'm just saying to her because I know she went after Maddox and you just wanted to help her, so I also know she did a stupid thing, but the consequences were far worse. So now let's just go to bed, get some sleep, and take a day or two off." Lanie said as she stood up.

"Oh, I'm not going to take a day off. Far from it." He said as she stood up and she turned around to give him a questionable look. "I'm not taking a day off until the people who caused this are behind bars, for good."

Lanie looked at him, and knew this wasn't the right time. She just took his hand in hers and they went to bed together. Just holding each other, for the comfort they both wanted and needed so bad.

Rick was left behind in the hospital. Partially because he didn't want to leave, and because he came here by himself so he would have to drive home by himself too.

Everyone was gone now, so he went up to her room. He knew he had told himself not to go see her until she was better but he couldn't help himself, he had to know she was okay. See for himself.

He took a deep breath before opening the door to the dim light room.

She looked so pale… and all those tubes didn't make it any easier on his eyes. He hated seeing her so fragile. It was almost as bad as when she was shot. Maybe even worse. No, defiantly worse. Because this time he didn't try to save her, he wasn't there to help. To do everything in his power to defend her. This time, he left her to die. To fall down a building, crying out for him, to die.

That was the only plus point about this. She survived. And he thanked the gods for that. Or whoever it was that controlled death. Faith.

When he finally snapped out of his thoughts, he took place in the chair Ryan sat in before and watched her. He didn't say anything, didn't reach out for her… he just watched her.

It went on for hours. Him watching the machine pumping air into her lungs, and letting it out again. He had traced every wire to every machine. He knew what everything was for. What every machine did, what time was between the beeps of the machine, he studied everything. He knew every single detail of the room.

Finally, the beeps of the monitor, and the sound of air being pushed into her lungs lulled him to sleep.

His dreams weren't any better than reality. The first nightmare was the scene playing in his head. Ryan and the team behind him rushing across the roof, Kate calling out and eventually, her falling down. He woke up, scared that he lost her, but was settled seeing she was still breathing. Well, the machine was breathing for her, but she was still alive.

His second nightmare wasn't any better. Though this time it was him failing to grab her. Him seeing her face as she realized she was falling, and going to die.

He could see it in her eyes. She didn't want to die. She wanted to be saved but he couldn't, and it broke him.

He, of course, woke up again but this time it took him longer to realize she was okay. It also took him longer to fall back asleep. While he was awake, a nurse came to check on her, so refill the fluids and medicine and a lot of other stuff he couldn't think of right now. The nurse, surprisingly didn't kick him out for staying the night. She understood and even gave him a blanket.

Once he fell back asleep he had a dream. An actual dream that was nice. It was him and Kate, together for real, not just partners in crime. It was nice. He dreamed of him being able to kiss her without having to worry about it just being undercover to save their partners. Or her pulling away from a special moment like they shared in LA. No, this time he could kiss her freely and protect her. And make her see how dangerous this case was. But of course it didn't last long because he was woken up from his dream when the sun beamed through the blinds.

When he woke, it was hard to accept that it had just been a dream. That is wasn't real because he wanted it to be real so badly.

Well, he might have not shown it to her that he wanted it, but that didn't mean he didn't. He still loved her, he just didn't understand why she had to lie. And why she got mad at him for trying to protect her.

But well, it had all happened and now he just had to focus at what was literally in front of him. Kate and her health. Her getting better.

But he feared that, when she woke up, she wouldn't forgive him for not being there. But then again, it wasn't really his fault… It was all just so confusing. And so many things could happen. Either good or bad.

Right now, he had to get out of the hospital. Kate's father would be here any second seeing as he drove all night to get here. So Rick stood up, folded the blanket, took one last look at her and walked out of the room, back to his home.

Jim arrived at the hospital right when he saw Rick walking out of the hospital entrance.

"Rick?! Is she okay? What room is she in?" Jim asked.

"She will be and room 407." Rick answered as he just walked by knowing Jim would just want to see Kate.

And he was right, with a thanks, Jim walked through the doors up to Kate's room where a nurse was again checking on her.

The nurse asked who he was and he told her he was her dad and Jim asked the nurse a few questions.

When the nurse left, he went to sit on the side of the bed and took one of Kate's hands in his bigger hands. "Oh Katie…" he sighed.

This case had caused them both so much pain and sorrow… It was time this all stopped. Problem was that they weren't able to, he wasn't able to.

He stayed a few hours with his little girl until he had to leave again. "I'll be back soon Katie." He said as he kissed her, still pale, forehead. Over the past few hours, he had talked to her about the cabin. Just random stuff that weren't really important but he just said it because he didn't know for sure if she would hear it or not. If she didn't, she wouldn't have missed much, but if she did, it would be nice.

Two more days passed of Kate being held in a coma to recover from surgery. They moved the next one a day for safety risks. In the mean time, everyone but Rick had come to see her again. They had all spent a few hours with her just watching her, talking to her or watching tv while casting a glimpse at her once in a while.

When Kate first came it, they repaired all her chest injuries like 3 broken ribs and they had to remove one. Her collar bone had also been broken which they also fixed then.

Now they would repair her both legs, one more damaged than the other, and her hip fracture that was actually not as bad as they first thought it would be.

In the second surgery they would repair her left hand, wrist and arm. Doctor Torrez said that because they would do just that in the second surgery it would be soon after the first. They thought a lot more would be wrong, but surprisingly, that was not the case. The only reason they had to wait is because they didn't have enough time. It would already take long and they didn't have enough staff so they would have to give their staff a break for an hour or 4 and then Kate would go back for just her hand, arm and wrist.

Dr Torrez also told them, Espo, Ryan and Lanie, that Kate had been very lucky not to have hit her head. She fell a certain way so that her leg broke her fall on the side of the dumpster, her body turned and she fell on her arm that broke the fall of her head on the concrete, then her hip and other leg followed. It was still terrible, but the dumpster saved her life. Otherwise she would've been dead. And there wouldn't be a fracture to heal. Only broken hearts.

**I had no idea where to leave this chapter, and I didn't want Kate being in a coma take too much chapters so I decided that next chapter would be after the surgery, and probably Kate waking up.**

**I actually wanted to do that now, but I'm feeling really sad and depressed and I think that if I write in the state I am now, I might kill Kate instead of meaning to save her… And I know you guys don't want that now, do you?**

**Once again, Sorry for the long wait.**

**Sorry.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5.**

**For the people that wonder if I'm okay, and for the ones who ****don't**** just leave a review saying: 'Next chapter now please' ****thanks****. I'm glad you guys understand, and I'm doing okay, but I have a lot of pressure on my shoulders right now and I'm very worried about a friend of mine. **

**(as I'm writing this, I'm adding: This is very hard to write for me, personally. So I'm sorry if this might be less than other chapters, stories, but it's personal.)**

Kate had been put out the coma for a day now but she still hadn't woken up. Now it was just a waiting game. Kate wouldn't be awake for long periods of time though seeing as the medication she got was pretty heavy and if she wouldn't get them, she would be in a lot of pain.

It was 2 days after the day of the operation and 1 day out of coma. All the broken bones were fixed and were starting to heal. They would keep Kate in the hospital for at least 2 weeks, see if the fractures are healing, and see from the results when she could go home. Probably after 3 weeks but they all know how Kate hated hospitals. And then, if she would return home, she would have to stay in bed with someone with her at all times. She wouldn't be able to take care of herself, because with two broken legs, there is no way you can move around the house. A wheelchair maybe yes, but that would only be okay after her left leg had healed. Her right leg would take more time seeing as it had been broken in 3 places. Her hip was just dislocated so that would be sore for a few days but would heal quite quickly. Her arm, wrist and 2 broken fingers would also take a little more time because it was so much in just one arm. She would have to wait until everything in her arm was healed before she would be able to start working out so that her muscles would adjust to working again.

Lanie knew it already, Kate was going to hate this. Espo knew that from the second she would go back to work, she would want to nail this guy and lock him away. Ryan also knew that, and that it would not be easy to try and stop Kate. Jim just shared a look with them all, reading their thoughts of each other, and adding, "God Katie, you're going to hate this, but so am I because you'll drive me nuts." He took her hand once again as Esposito and Ryan turned their attention back to the TV.

Lanie noticed how Ryan's gaze always lingered a second longer on their friend. What he had seen was horrible and she wished there was something she could do for him. But no one could. Only Kate. If she was okay, alive and well, Ryan would heal too and that spark would replace the sadness and sorrow in his eyes.

He hadn't been able to save her and it nagged on him. He was just a little glad that Espo wasn't mad at him for telling Gates. In the end, if he wouldn't have, Kate wouldn't have had a chance of survival. Now she had but it came too late.

But that question of _why_ was torturing him. Why couldn't he save his friend? She meant a lot to him and he couldn't imagine life without her. Kate Beckett was like one of his sisters. Not the one that used to read him 'Little Red Riding Hood' when he was a kid, but the one that thought his how to be a great detective. One of New York's finest.

Of course, she hadn't died, and that was good but he still felt guilty. So guilty.

Ryan couldn't get much further into his thought though because as all his friend's attentions were directed to the screen, he looked at Kate and saw her eyebrows knit together and her eyelids flutter.

He took up, gaining the attention from everyone and went to stand over Kate, to protect her eyes from the much too bright light. The other friends and Jim all followed but kept a little more distance.

Kate squinted her eyes and reached for her head but immediately regretted the action. Although the fracture in her collarbone was on the left side, she felt it.

Ryan took her hand. "It's okay Kate, you're okay." He turned around, "Someone get a nurse, I think she's in pain."

Kate opened her mouth to say something but nothing came out. "We'll get you some water Kate. Don't try to speak or move, it'll only hurt you more." Kate wouldn't listen though.

"Cast- Castle?" she could barely say more than a puff of air that ended in a moan of pain.

"I'm sorry Kate, he isn't here. I'll explain later. You stay down Kate. You've broken a lot of bones and you need to lay down." Kate laid her head back down and gave a small nod. Jim stood closer now and took Kate's good hand when Ryan let it go. Kate opened her eyes, now more adjusted to the light, and tears came in her eyes when hers met his.

"Shh Kate, you'll be okay. You are okay." he kept soothing her as Kate closed her eyes, not wanting to cry, remembering what happened now more clearly. Jim wiped a tear, that escaped her eye, away before it hit the pillow.

Javi and Lanie came back with a doctor and nurse. Lanie gave the glass of water, with a straw, to Kate, holding it for her because she couldn't move. While that happened, the nurse checked all the machines and the doctor asked Ryan how she seemed.

Then Dr. Torrez came in and the other Doctor left, following Dr. Torrez's instructions.

"Hello Detective Beckett, I'm glad to see you've woken up." Before Kate could ask, she already answered her question. "We kept you in a coma, because of the too many broken bones, for 6 days. You've slept through one day on your own."

"It's been a week?" Kate asked surprised at the time that had passed. Her voice still groggy of course but she managed to speak which pleased her

"Yes. It was necessary. You broke your right leg in 3 places, your left in one, your left arm, hand and wrist. Your collarbone also on the left side, 2 ribs and we had to remove one. No head injuries which you should be thankful for seeing from how high you fell." Dr Torrez's tone softened on the last line. She knew what Kate had been through and she would say it's a miracle Kate was still alive.

"Now Kate, I can call you Kate right? Because we'll spend a lot of time together for the next few weeks. Any more questions?" Dr Torrez asked as Kate nodded.

"You can call me Kate, and how long exactly?" She hated hospitals, but she knew, from what Dr Torrez had said, she would be here for a long, long time.

"At least 3 weeks. With those leg fractures, you won't be able to do much on your own at home anyways and we need to keep an eye on your right leg. Oh, and your hip too, sorry I forgot to mention that before. It will be sore for a few days because it was dislocated, but it's back in place now so you shouldn't have to feel that anymore. Your left leg will need at least 4 weeks to heal without support on it, and then 2 more weeks where you can put weight on it, but that depends on your arm, that will also need 6 weeks at least. Your fingers should be okay after a week or 2 but your wrist is also something that'll take a little more time. 4 to 6 weeks as well. Your collarbone… well, that's tricky for every person. It's 6 weeks with the bandage to keep it in place, then you will still feel it after those 6 weeks because it wasn't that bad so no surgery had to be done, but breaking your collarbone is something you can have trouble with for a year or 2. But let's not worry about that and concentrate on getting you better. Now, you probably want to sit up, but you cannot yet because of your ribs. You'll need to lay down for a few days, then we'll move you into sitting position but then you'll have to stay like that for a while because moving will hurt."

It was a lot to process. What Kate got out of it: _Most will take 6 weeks of healing so I'll be here at least for 4 weeks, they say 3 but it'll be 4. Then 2 weeks with my dad, at least, probably more. God this is terrible…_

And all of the sudden, she wasn't so sad anymore that Castle wasn't here… He was her partner for god's sake! He should have been there. But then again… she did go without permission. She brought herself in danger… The fault was all hers.

Then she saw it flashing before her while closing her eyes. Every time she blinked she saw Ryan's face as she fell.

Dr Torrez noticed she was reflecting it all and leaned over Kate a little more.

"Listen Kate, you survived this, and that's incredible. Now we're going to take good care of you. If there is anything you need, you have a button right at your right arm to call for help. Okay?"

Kate just nodded. She was still in a trance. This really happened! She really fell from that roof, watching Ryan as realization struck him that he was too late, while she fell before a sharp pain hit her in her leg, and then everywhere. Just everywhere. The last thing she remembers is her name being called.

Once Kate was given the medication, she would be awake for about half an hour before it would hit her and basically force her to sleep.

Jim and Kate had talked a little, not about what they would do, but just that they were glad she was alive. He was just so thankful. Lanie and Javi had done the same. But with Ryan, it was different.

Javi and Lanie had left, so had Jim. They all had to work. Ryan had gotten a few more days off than Javi had because he had actually seen it. He was having nightmares about it and had been seeing a psychiatrist for it. He just couldn't take Kate's screams haunting him in his head. And those images… they where tattooed on his eyes. So were they with Kate.

When they were alone, Kate started. "You know… They say you see your life flashing in front of your eyes when something like this happens… It doesn't." She stated it softly. Ryan was sitting next to her, on the bed, watching her face as he held her good hand in his. Kate just stared at the ceiling.

"I know it doesn't. Never believed it would." Then there was silence for a few more moments until Kate's eyes met his.

"I'm so sorry Kev." Her voice cracked on the line and she closed her eyes that were already filled with tears. Ryan wanted to speak but she wasn't done. "I can just see in every time I close my eyes… your face, the distance, the calling out, the realization…" Kate was sobbing almost. Ryan just tried to sooth her.

"Hey Kate… It's okay. It's okay because eventually you are okay. And yes, I see it too. I saw it in your eyes when you realized I- I was too late."

"Kev-"

"No Kate. I was too late to help you, and yes I blame myself. Of course I do. Who wouldn't. You actually fell Kate… you could have died. But because of a stupid dumpster, you didn't. But I still failed you."

"Kevin you didn't fail me. You could never do that. You're my little brother Kev… And it's my fault. I shouldn't have gone there. You were right to inform Gates. You did the right thing. It's my own doing that got me here, so don't you dare feel guilty."

"Kate… How could I not? If you had died… I would have too. Even if it was your own doing that put you up on that rooftop, I was the one who wasn't able to save you. So if you had died, a piece of me would have died too. I'd never be the same because it's you. The one who I consider one of my sisters. I don't know what I'd have done without you because I look up to you Kate. You are strong. You've been through so much, and now this… You are a survivor and I don't know what I'd do without you. I can't even imagine not having you around." Ryan was crying now too. Not sobbing, more like silent tears. He wasn't the crying type. But when he had to voice something like this… with so much emotion, it broke him.

Kate and Ryan sat there, soothing each other for a while longer. "I know you're tired Kate. Go to sleep." He gave her hand a squeeze.

"Can you stay until I fall asleep, Kev? I- I just don't want to be alone right now…"

"Of course Kate. Always."

And that was just the word that made her cry again… Castle… She didn't blame him, and she wasn't mad at him but she didn't understand why he wasn't here… She loved the man for god's sake. He got the message… Would he really just have ran away? Would he ever come back? Where was he?

And was his love for her really gone, or was there still hope?

With that last question in mind, the medication became too heavy for her and took her back into a deep slumber.

**Okay, so I just finished this chapter. It was not at all easy to write. Kate was easy for me tbh… it was Ryan who was hard. Not because of the character. Because of how close to home it hits.**

**Anyways… I hope I didn't mess this up because it's pretty late here, and I'm tired, sad, basically a wreck, and well… Just leave your thoughts in a review :) That would be wonderful… something to get me happy…**

**I am thinking about finishing this story before writing on with ****BSWD**** and ****Wanting You****. But I'm not sure. I'll let you know.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

**I know, I know, it's been too long. But I've either been busy with school (hours of homework) taking a break from that (meaning talking with my best friend) or just too tired to write. Like right now, as I'm writing this. I think I'm having more trouble with mono again and I seriously don't want to relapse but I've been so tired from like, 7 pm on. Almost every single night. So I seriously either didn't have time, had writers block, or slept.**

**I decided! I'm going to finish this story before continuing **_**Because she was**__** different**_**and **_**Wanting you**_**. Why? Because 3 (running) stories is too much. I never meant to get this far behind with updates. I planned to write this all first before uploading but I was too excited with this story.**

**Also for BSWD I never meant to update before I at least got the next chapter ready but I've been so busy with school that I didn't have time. Plus, I think fellow writers may know how frustrating a writer's block is. Either you know where your character is headed but can't write a single line, or you don't know where your character is headed and you write crap… sucks**

**See? I'm tired and I should stop talking.**

**As I'm writing my story, Update: I didn't mean to make it this heavy and emotional, but I'm warning you now. It's pretty damn heavy and bcs it's so personal, I decided not to stop writing and just go with it. I'm on the verge of crying but I'll just go on writing.**

After Kate fell asleep, Ryan went home to get some sleep for himself. He hoped his mind would be settled by talking to her so he wouldn't have those bad nightmares. But in the end, all he could do was hope for the best. He settled into bed next to his wife. Jenny shifted when feeling her husband close to her. "She's going to be okay," Ryan sighed more to himself than to his wife.

"Kev, she's going to be just fine. Don't worry. Kate is an amazingly strong woman. She'll get through this Kev. She will." Jenny might have been half asleep while saying that, but she was very aware of what she was saying. Her words held nothing but the truth, he hoped.

Right before he fell asleep, he realized he hadn't told Kate the reason why Castle wasn't there when she woke up… He know Espo would have probably called to inform Castle that she was awake, but he also knew Castle wouldn't go to her. Not yet.

When Rick got the call he'd been waiting for ever since he walked out of that hospital, he was relieved. Happy even, but conflicted. He had no idea what he should do. He had no idea if she wanted to see him or not. But he wanted to see her so badly.

Did she blame herself for what happened? He knows he does. He broke his promise of 'Always' and he wasn't there when she needed him most. But then again, he would have done what Ryan did. He wouldn't have let her go to that hotel with just Espo as backup. If he had been there, she wouldn't have dangled from a building and crushed her every bone. She would be walking around right now, maybe even with him… Hand in hand because she loves him too.

The thought of it being said in the heat of the moment did pop up into his mind but he knew she has meant it. He knew because he said it while she had a bullet lodged in her hear, and he meant every single word.

He shook his head. What had happened now was bad enough. He didn't want to think back of other horrible things that have happened because of this one god damn case.

He took a deep breath in. He needed to figure out what he was going to do. And somehow, thoughts like these always came to him as he laid awake in his bed, waiting for sleep to hit him. It hadn't yet and he hated it. Maybe tomorrow he would figure it out? Maybe…

Lanie and Javier has gone back to work, to keep their mind off of things and it had worked. For a while. Then all there was to do was paperwork and they hated it both. Although it was less for Lanie.

They met up in the precinct lobby and went to her place together. After the first night they spend holding and comforting each other in bed, in a long time, they got back together. They realized that what they were doing was just as ridiculous as Kate and Rick were. They obviously loved each other, but neither of them wanted to admit, until now. Javier drove them to her place and they grabbed takeout pizza on the way there. They both weren't really in the mood for talking but as the movie they were watching came to an end, Lanie spoke up.

"I'm so glad she's awake… I knew she was alive but seeing her awake makes it easier to believe. You know?"

Javi just hummed in response, holding her close and kissing the top of her head. He knew what she felt like.

Lanie spoke again. "We've both been spending so much time at work, and the last time we really talked, it was about Castle. And I missed my best friend so much. I can't imagine what I would have done if I had lost her… I just love her too much for that to happen."

Javier didn't really know how to respond to that. He got what it was like, losing a best friend was damn hard. Hell, losing anyone is hard! And sometimes it's nature, but when it's like Kate could have died… way too soon, in a way too cruel way.

He didn't know what to say and just waited for her to continue.

"We were close before, but we only grew closer once Castle came along and loosened her up a bit. It was nice, but I can't imagine not having her around anymore. Missing her when knowing you'll see her again is one thing, but having to lose her forever? I don't think I'll manage if that happens. Not now anyway. When we're old and grey maybe. But not now. We might not be kids, but hell, we're too young to die. And having death lurking just makes me realize even more that we need to be grateful for what we have every waking moment. But sometimes we're not and fights can come from that, which means wasted time with a loved one." She sighed, "It's weird that it took us this, all of this, to realize that life is short. Like her getting shot wasn't enough." The tears that had welled up in her eyes started to flow. Her voice cracked. "I love her so much and I can't lose her. Neither will I ever manage if I lose you. I love you Javi."

Javier couldn't say he wasn't surprised, but all of this got to him so bad, and got him, _him_, emotional. A tear slipped but he didn't care for his own as his thumbs came up to wipe hers away.

"I love you more Lanie." He gave her a small smile and a kiss on the forehead.

"That's impossible." Lanie smiled back and lifted her head for a kiss on his lips. She needed it, and he did too. Not that he'd admit it. But he gave in as the minutes passed and held her like their very first night together.

Kate hated being in this condition. But what she hated most was having to wake up every few hours. When she was in a coma it hadn't been necessary because it was controlled, but now? Every freaking 2 hours. She hated it and was grumpy. The only good thing was that the meds took her to sleep soon after the nurse or doc left the room.

The drugs didn't help with her nightmares though. They only made her stay in them, and not wake up. The past few nightmares had been about falling, and never stopping until she woke up, then it was like she smacked against that dumpster and then to the ground. It was just a split second but it was enough to make her relive the pain.

But this time… it was different. It was around 6 am so next time that she would be woken up, she would get breakfast. She had just fallen back asleep and soon, she had the nightmare again, but this time she fell and actually died. The dumpster wasn't there and the impact on her back and head had killed her instantly. The nightmare didn't stop there though. She dreamed that she opened her eyes and stood next to her body. The pain everywhere in her… body. It wasn't really a body because there wasn't any flesh. She was… a ghost. A spirit. She looked at her body. Her head was lulled back to the left, her arm next to it, like you would imagine in your head, or like you would see in the movies. Only, her other arm was bent underneath her body, obviously broken. Her legs? One was turned in a way that made her feel sick just watching, and the other one had an open bone fracture. Well, not like that mattered anymore now. She was dead anyways. The most terrifying thing was her body's face. Her eyes were open, mouth slightly open, hair colored red from blood running from her head. She looked away, and as she did, she heard voices. They were faint callings for her name. Castle? No, Ryan. Ryan came running towards her and her body and as he turned around the corner, he came to a stop. Her eyes stared back at him. Empty but somehow still frightened eyes. Ryan fell to his knees and put his elbows and hands on the ground. He led his head hang and screamed. Kate, spirit Kate, saw it all and it broke her… heart? For lack of better words, she'd call it heart.

Ryan turned around suddenly and threw up all his stomach contents. Javi and Gates soon came behind Ryan. Gates turned away in shock and told the men who were following her to step back. It was a crime scene now.

Javi couldn't deal with it and punched the wall. He didn't stop until Ryan put a hand on his shoulder as they both collapsed, crying. They lost their friend. More than that. Their sister.

Spirit Kate just stood there. Crying for herself. Her two partners were so broken. And oh god, Castle and Lanie didn't know yet. As she thought that, the scenario changed. She was in Rick's loft all of the sudden. He was about to turn his phone off when he was called by Gates.

He picked up the phone and although Kate couldn't hear what Gates was saying, she knew. And she could see. Rick stood there, listening with anger written over his face, then it changed to widened eyes, pale and a black stare which contained tears that didn't escape his eyes. Yet. Castle hung up the phone after a moment and just dropped in into the couch. He just stood there. Staring into nothing but right at her at the same time.

He swallowed, once, twice but it didn't work, and soon he was crying and screaming as he threw a pillow across the room.

Once he was done crying, he stood up with a blank stare and grabbed a bottle of scotch. When Kate saw this, already crying for her own because she couldn't do anything, she tried everything she could to stop him. She tried to pull him back, to smash the bottle, so talk to him but nothing worked as he drank. And then, as Kate stood there, head in her hands, the scenario changed again. Just as she thought it couldn't get any worse, she had to go through Lanie's reaction.

Esposito had come to her apartment and as he stepped inside, and told her Kate had died, she watched as Lanie went mad. She was yelling out questions as tears flew over her cheeks and when Javier didn't answer her, she started hitting his chest. He stopped her by taking her wrists and holding Lanie as her knees became too weak to stand on.

Seeing Kevin and Javier had been bad and awful but seeing Rick, the mad she loved break, and then, on top of that, her best friend? It was too much for her.

The scenario changed, and Lanie was sitting on the couch, wrapped in a blanket and crying as Javier was running a bath for Lanie to relax, Kate went to sit next to her friend. She wanted to hug her, hold her, tell her it was okay. She tried. It didn't work though. Lanie didn't feel a thing and just kept staring and crying. Kate tried to push a piece of hair back from Lanie, and as she did, Lanie shook her head, leaning away from Kate. Had she felt it? She had! Kate leaned in closer, tried to grab Lanie's hands and leaned closer to her ear.

"Hi Lane. I don't know if you can hear me, but I'm doing okay other than the fact that I'm seeing you guys suffer. I love you so much Lane. I'll be around. Always and beyond." And then she tried stroking Lanie's hair again. She pulled back and saw Lanie's expression. She had heard her. Lanie looked around, and eventually, looked right into Kate's ghost eyes without knowing.

"Javi?" Kate heard Lanie call as she felt herself being pulled away from her best friend. The scenario changed again. This time it was all white around her. And when she asked herself why white and not blue, it changed to blue.

Then, when she looked around, she saw someone standing far away. She narrowed her eyes to get a clearer view but before she knew it, she was looking straight into her mother's eyes.

"Hi Katie." She smiled weakly.

"Mom?"

"Be grateful you didn't die Katie. Your friends can't handle it. You mean too much to them. I wish I could see you soon again, but it's way too soon. I love you Katie. Don't forget that okay? I'll always be around. Now wake up from this horrible nightmare, and be your amazing self. I'm proud of you sweetheart." And before Kate could say anything, she woke up with a shock.

**It's not as long as I would have liked to make it, but if that wasn't emotional, idk. For me it sure was. I have a headache from holding back the tears. **

**To.. you know if you read it, I love you and I'll talk to you very soon. Don't read too much into the references I put in this chapter. I'll explain everything soon. **


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

**This took way too long. I know. I had my last exams of the 9****th**** grade, and I feel like the year flew by. I haven't been able to write anything since I last updated this story. Everything I write seems bad or just doesn't fit the story.**

**I'm writing this is a not all to good mood in the car back from vacation, so, I'm sorry if it's not my best. I just haven't felt like writing lately. Lately being a few months now. But I seem to be able to write when I'm sad, especially this story, so… here it is.**

**Thank you for your patience. I hope what you read was worth the wait.**

Kate was so shaken by the nightmare she didn't do anything for at least half an hour. She just sat up, going over the last moment again and again. Her mother had never said that to her. How could she have?... This wasn't a memory. It had been real. It was really her mom, as good looking as the day she died. She was wearing different clothing though. And she looked tired, pale, and she had a glow around her. Kate couldn't believe it. She didn't even get the time to say "I love you" back. She regretted that.

She didn't know why, but she picked up the phone. She dialed the number automatically. She didn't even think before she put the phone to her ear. She had no idea what to say. But she knew she wanted to talk to someone. And since he was the only one she hadn't seen since her fall…

"_hello?"_ his voice pulled her out of her state. She froze up.

"Rick?" she finally managed to ask. Now he was the one who was stunned.

He shook it off and focused on her. "Kate! Hi! You have no idea how glad I am to hear your voice."

Kate didn't really know what to say. "Why weren't you here?" it just came out, before she even realized what she said, he was already answering.

"Because I didn't know if you'd be mad at me for being there. I didn't know if you'd want me there when you woke up. I was there, I checked on you, but everyone was mad at me, and I told them I'd go home and wait for you to call. And so, now you called and I'm happy to hear your voice. So happy."

Kate took a moment to process it all. He _was_ there, he just isn't now. So he _does_ still care.

Kate smiled, but that was before she realized what she did right before she fell off that roof. She called him… She told him she loved him… _loves_. Oh god, what now?

Running away from it again would be wrong. She might not be ready for it, but she needs him in her life. If she had died… she saw what would have happened in her nightmare. She didn't want that to happen, not anytime soon, and certainly not before they had a chance to be just that, them.

"Kate?" Rick asked, seeing as she had been silent for quite a while now.

"Yeah… sorry, I'm here. I'm just… thinking." Kate sighed. She had no idea how to do this.

"About?" he was curious.

She was silent for a moment longer, and then decided. "Rick… could you come here? Could you visit soon? I'll tell you, but I want to do it face to face."

"Of course!" Rick was oh so happy, but composed himself, "When? I can come now if you'd like, but shouldn't you sleep some more?"

"I don't think I can sleep any longer." She said thinking about the nightmare and her mom's face, her words. "Now would be perfect." Kate smiled, a smile that reached her eyes, for what felt like the first time in years.

"Sure, I'll be there soon, I'll leave right now."

"Thank you Rick."

"Always."

Rick arrived in the hospital, but not without a beautiful bouquet of flowers, seeing as she wasn't able to drink coffee. He walked up to her room, but right before knocking, he froze. What is he going to say? What does she want to- oh. Now it hit him. What else would she want to talk about face to face other than the voicemail?

Her words were still in his mind. Her begging for him. His name. Then her apology and demand for forgiveness. _I can't die with knowing that you aren't going to forgive me._ Those words drained the life out of him every single time he thought of them. But then, the words that still struck him most. _Rick… I love you._ He wished he'd heard those words for the first time in different circumstances.

What was he going to say to her? What was _she_ going to say to _him_? He could only hope she remembered enough, that she still meant it, and that the writer in him was still there to respond to whatever she wanted to say.

He took a deep breath, ran one hand over his jacket to straighten it, and placed it on the wooden door. He knocked a few times and took the handle, ready to walk in when he heard Kate's voice say "Come in."

As soon as he walked through the door, she smiled. She was so happy to see him again. Him, the him he is now and not the him he could have been if she had died. But she didn't want to think about that right now.

"Rick." She smiled as she tried to push herself up a bit. Very bad idea. A shock of pain ran through her and she couldn't hold back the groan of pain. It had surprised her.

Rick shot to her side, flowers on the chair. "Kate? Are you okay? Did you get your meds? Did a nurse come and check on you? Did you-" Kate put her hand up, the hand she could actually move because of her shoulder, and he stopped talking.

"Too many questions. I'm okay, just a little pain, I got them, and yes. And I'm guessing your last question was if I ate breakfast. Yes I did." Kate said as Rick helped her sit up a bit. She couldn't move her legs, she couldn't push herself up, or do anything with her left hand and arm. Only her right arm was just a bit sore. She was glad that the broken ribs, the one that got removed, and the broken one, were on the same side.

Now that she sat up a bit, she saw the flowers abandoned on the chair. "Those for me?"

"Yeah," Rick said as he followed her gaze. "I figured since I can't bring you coffee, I should bring you flowers." He smiled, as did she.

"I like them," she locked her eyes with him as he handed her the flowers. The smile on his face faded a bit as he felt the subject coming up. He looked for a vase or a glass or something big enough to put the flowers in, and took his coat off, that he put over the chair.

"Rick, I… I wanted to talk to you about two things, both just as difficult for me as the other." Kate locked her gaze on her hands on her lap. Her right hand circling around her left hand with cast.

"Why don't I just start with the subject we both know about, because I don't think I know what the second thing is about." Rick said as he took place on the bed, taking her right hand in his. "I heard your voicemail. And you have no idea how sorry I am that I didn't pick up the phone. Hell, that I wasn't there!" Rick started, emotion clear in his voice.

"Rick… It would have been harder if that had been the case. I might not even have said it because-" he didn't let her finish.

"Because you didn't mean it? It was just a spur of the moment thing? I get it…" he let her hand go, but she didn't let go of his. She tugged it, trying to get his attention back.

"Is that what you believe Rick? Because if it is, no. Please don't. If you had been there, I would still be denying it right now, and if you had picked up the phone… I think it would have been worse on you, but I would have still said it because Rick… I love you. I love you with all my heart and I'm sorry that I didn't say it before. I don't get why bad things always have to happen to us before we start seeing things, but.. I love you, Rick. And I don't ever want to take it back."

Castle was stunned, this is what he wanted, but he couldn't believe it. He just looked at her. Straight into those beautiful green eyes that he had once believed to be brown. "Kate, you already know I love you. But I'll say it again because I don't ever want to lose you, and I feel like I should. I love you Katherine. With all my heart."

They smiled at each other, hand in hand on the hospital bed, Kate with a tear in her eye.

After a moment Kate laughed, "What are you waiting for Rick? I've got two broken ribs, I can't kiss you, so you better kiss me."

She didn't have to tell him twice. He leaned in a bit, noses almost touching, her eyes half closed, waiting for him to come closer. When he didn't, she looked into his eyes and brought her hand to his cheek.

"Hey, I'm okay, I'm still here, and I- I love you, Rick." Kate said with all the love she had clear in her voice.

Rick leaned in closer and whispered a "I love you too" as his lips touched hers.

They were soft on his, sweet as sugar. He brought his hand up to her hair as her started to trail to the back of his neck. Their lips starting to move. Kissing each other with sweet passion, both wanting more than just this kiss, because they have waited for so long. Too damn long.

It didn't last long enough for either of them as their tongues touched, and Kate tried to lean in closer to Castle. A pain like her hitting the dumpster shot through her and her eyes rolled to the back of her head. The heart monitor beeping just a little harder than normal. Rick wasted no time on pressing the call button as he tried to wake Kate up.

"Please Kate, please wake up." He was shocked. The pain it had caused her was too much for her. He couldn't imagine how it felt, and he never wanted that to happen to her again.

Two nurses ran in and checked everything. "Detective Beckett is doing just fine. Everything is okay. The pain was just too much for her. She's not back to perfect health, and the shock must have made her pass out. But don't worry, she'll be okay. Just press the call button if anything changes, or she wakes up. We'll come to check on her soon again." One of the nurses told Castle who wasn't letting his eyes off of Kate's features for longer than a second. He just nodded and took a few deep breaths.

He went back to sitting on the bed next to her, stroking her hair out of her face, and then took her hand in his again, brought it to his lips, and placed a soft kiss on top of it.

"I'm sorry. This will take a while, but I'm not going anywhere. I'm right by your side to help you. Always" he sighed and settled himself in the chair. Never taking his eyes off of her.

**I really wanted to make this longer, but then you'd have to wait long seeing as I'm not sure what to do next. I'll ask my #1 fan and best friend for advice and hopefully, post a new chapter way sooner than you had to wait for this one.**

**I don't think it's that good, but you can decide on that one.**

**Reviews are much appreciated.**


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